may 14, 2004

1 am back. after 3 years of dryness... i feel like my will to write is back. has it really been 3 years? maybe 2? last night i stayed up all night talking to tommy on the phone. i called him around midnight and we hung up around 5am. i think that is a record for us. i don't like the surface of this paper. i miss my old books from lebanon.

yesterday i introduced l & a & k to steve. i felt good to be able to pass on that connection to them. in the garden...

in the garden, a. and i spoke of starting collaborative work. my heart was bursting with happiness. he suggested we stick some stuff, then i work on top, etc. the respect i get from this man is incredible. i told him he'd have to move into my studio because all my stuff is there. he was like ok.

at steve's, i also told a. about china. about losing myself. blacking out. he disagreed with me dying. he said i didn't die. he said i was reborn. ... ...

he asked me if i knew of anis nin as we were talking about henry miller. i think he was surprised that i had read so much miller.

after steve's we all went to an opening in this loft on ave. a and 1st. i was feeling so beautiful, walking in my white skirt with my kuffiyeh wrapped around my waist. just like lana. i felt free like her.

walking with a. makes me feel invincible. he is my diego.